when i think of my kids i always smile on the inside and most of the time on the outside. but when i think of my kids (including a couple of son-in-laws) i feel like praying desperately. i immediately send up a few prayers that attempt to include them all.
they don't live at home with us anymore. they are all growing up and we are feeling blessed in these years just like the other years. as far as i know, most of the time everything is alright with them, but i keep thinking, remembering, smiling, and feeling the urge to desperately pray.
often this urge to pray just happens as i am going through the day and i wonder what they are up to.
i am not so sure that desperation is such a great thing. but i also know that there isn't anything i would not do on their behalf...i will be desperate if that is what is necessary. i will bargain, plead, cajole, push, pester, and beg God on their behalf and i will do it often...and even more often as i grow older.
is it some kind of impulse?
did abraham and sarah ever pray for isaac like this?
do i just miss them a lot and miss being a parent and having them near?
did hannah ever worry about samuel after she dropped him off at the temple?
is it okay for a 'christian' parent to lose some sleep over their kids?
is praying doing something when there is nothing a doing person can do?
did mary ever wonder what Jesus was up to?
sometimes i stand in a place where they stood.
sometimes i hold onto something that was theirs.
sometimes i look deeply into pictures as if it were yesterday.
sometimes i imagine being with them somewhere where they are.
sometimes i dream a future for them.
sometimes i hope they remember and pray for me and their mom.
sometimes i close my eyes and remember something only a parent remembers.
sometimes i smile and sometimes i feel a little desperate...but, always i pray.
this is a part of parenthood no one told me about before i got here.
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